Contentment Continued - Words from Mamaw

 Introduction

As you all may recall, my midterm presentation discussed contentment through the lens of my late grandfather. For this final post, I hope to expand upon this philosophy a bit, using input from my grandmother. Fortunately for our present project, she is still with us, so I recently interviewed her for the purpose of this post. Moreover, I will be ditching my previous organization method for ease of digestion. Instead, I will try to categorize the philosophy into a few overarching themes. I hope by the end of this, I will give them both the justice that they deserve.

I should also remind everyone that I am using a definition of contentment that more closely aligns with that of Aristotle’s eudaimonia. Therefore, contentment is a relationship with life that has the capacity to be present in even life’s darkest moments. It is merely the ability to assess one’s life and say that it is worth living. And, for nearly every person reading this, your life is worth living. For most, the good will outweigh the bad. But, in the off chance that it does not, I hope you find the good in your life that tips the scale. Maybe, just maybe, these philosophies of an old couple will help just a little.

With that being said, let us get into the post.

Environment

Some of you may recall that my grandfather spent much of his early life during the aftermath of the Great Depression, and my grandmother experienced many of the same hardships. Both spent many of their early years on a farm, picking or planting crops from dusk until dawn. Fortunately for Mamaw, her parents were far more involved. Many days they would help her out on the field, and consequently, they formed a strong relationship. She recalls a few times where her father would pull her to the side after a day’s work and tell her, “With work ethic like that, ain’t nothing can stop you.” And, some-odd-seventy-to-eighty years later, nothing has stopped her. Hell, she still works to this day and shows no signs of stopping.

Another story that she shared involved fireflies that her and her siblings used to catch in the backyard. They would use jars that were recycled from empty jelly containers. “It didn’t take much back then to get us smiling...It was just those simple things.” Those “simple things” shone through even in her later years as well. She describes a story from her teen years where she had become obsessed with baths. Of course, with no running water, this meant that her brother would have to manually pump the water and bring it to the house, and only after heating in the sun for a few hours, would my grandmother finally be able to bathe in an old tub they kept in a closet (They had no bathroom at the time). At one point, she says that her brother, exhausted after fetching a tub-full of water, asked her why she needed to be so clean all the time. She responded, “It just makes me happy.”

Now, the reason that I go into some detail here is because she credits these early years as shaping much of who she would become. She argues that the work that she had to perform for even the smallest of pleasures made her truly appreciate all that life had to offer. Nothing was given, and even less was expected. A tried and true experience of getting everything you want by simply wanting less. Moreover, the relationship that she built with her parents would go on to shape much of the ones that she had with her own children. Perhaps, there may even be some bits that have managed to make it down the line to myself through my father. What I do know is that she was and is an avid supporter of the Nurture Camp as opposed to the Nature Camp. Anything is possible if you put your mind to it, and you have the right people supporting you.

Jean Butler (Mamaw), as a teen

Joe Runions, after a day of work

Community

A second theme that underlines Mamaw’s and Papaw’s philosophy relies on a strong sense of community, something that both of them fear is being lost in today’s world. She began her discussion with another story that revolved around her father and mother getting into a severe car wreck during the harvest season. They were effectively put out of work for the next few months, but the field needed to be reaped and sold to maintain the farm. Neighbors, having heard the bad news, flocked to the farm to lend a hand. Before Mamaw knew it, the field had been picked and was ready for the market. So, from that point forward, she often felt that she owed much of her livelihood to those around her.

The main community-based organization that she gave most of her time to was the church, specifically a small, Presbyterian church in Gadsden, TN. It was located on Salem Road and was called Salem Church. I spent much of my early childhood there as well. For the most part, my grandmother helped the church with the financial issues. She kept the ledger and took in donations from the community. She would then earmark any money brought in for projects that the church needed to complete. While these years did heavily affect her faith, I will touch on that in a later section. For now, I want to hark on how it came to make her love for the community grow even further.

To her, the church was mostly a means to an end: giving back to those around her. While she thought that it was a helpful aid in one’s spirituality, it was not a necessary one. Her fond memories of that small, white church on the hill greatly consisted in sitting around and chatting with the fellow attendees about numerous topics and areas of life, such as childhood, work, parenthood, and more. To her, there is no replacement for those in-person interactions when it comes to developing contentment or happiness. As she describes, “There is a certain self-pride that comes with walking alongside your community. You tend to learn what makes people tick, what makes them happy, but most importantly, you learn so much about yourself just from the responses you get from them.”

Most of her critique of the modern age stems from a severe lack of in-person social interactions. I am sure you have all heard it before, though. “You need to get off that damn phone.” At least I know I have on numerous occasions, but perhaps we should heed the warning. Life cannot be spent with our noses stuck to some screen, as if we are in some “experience machine.” It is important that we put ourselves out into the community and make those concrete connections that will serve us in life. Who knows when you may find yourself in need like my grandmother’s family did that one harvest. Who else but your friends and community members will help you? I sure know it will not be your phone or gaming console.

Family

The second most important thing in life to my grandmother is family, second only to God and her faith. In her life, she mothered or helped to mother seven children in total. Of course, for most of her adult life, she was married to my grandfather. Also, as detailed above, she had a wonderful relationship with her father to which she lends much credit in the shaping of her life. Luckily, these same sentiments have also bled down to her relationship with me and the fellow grandchildren, all of whom she was greatly involved with. Some more than others, but some needed it more than others. We were also all taught to understand that. “Never ask for an equal share. Instead, ask for what is fair.”

In her interview, there was an underlying message that really seemed to appear in her dealings with her children. She wholeheartedly believed that while the children owed their parents respect, the parents owed their children the same (and much more). She explains that there is not a force stronger in this world than the love that she felt for each child as she first held them in her arms. She would often call this her “Motherly Instinct,” another power in her arsenal alongside “Motherly Intuition” and the “Eyes on the Back of Her Head.” Jokes aside, she posited that “the life of a parent is of their child.” They should be the center of your world, for they will be all that is left of you after you leave this earth. They often alone serve as the vessel of your legacy.

It was not a purely self-centered motive, however. As I said, she truly loves her children and her grandchildren. One of the main quotes that I took away from our short interview was this: “Ask yourself if all that fame and glory is worth its weight in love.” I believe I touched upon this a bit in my presentation. We also remember in Haybron’s book where he quoted the statistic that happiness seemed to not increase past a $75k margin. Therefore, we should not place too much focus on materialistic fortunes. As she said, “We’re just passing through.” In lieu, make sure to spend time with your family. She herself sacrificed many professional opportunities in her life to provide for her family and make sure they had the attention they needed, something she wishes this generation was far more willing to do.

Runions Family Easter

Mamaw and Papaw

Religion

“God comes first in all that I do” was how she responded to my inquiry into her value of religion, so it is ironic that I am covering it last. I just thought it best since it was the bow that ties the rest of her philosophy up into a neat package. To my grandmother, it is her faith that gives all things their meaning and what keeps her from breaking down in those darkest hours. She would often tell me that if you listen you can hear God speak to you. He is in the back of your mind, guiding your actions on a daily basis. While most of us would likely refer to this voice as the conscious, I think it is a quite endearing message nonetheless. And, if it keeps her going, perhaps that is all the worth it needs. Kind of like how William James justified his belief in free will.

However, as I noted above, her religious beliefs were not reliant upon the church. In fact, even in the face of having attended her whole life, she believes it to be wholly unnecessary. Faith instead lies within the individual. God speaks directly to each person, albeit not always in the most obvious ways. Additionally, faith alone can provide salvation for the person (Though, righteous action is still valuable). If you want to look at it from another perspective, I believe that these few tenets of her belief are summed up in Martin Luther’s Ninety-Five Theses. (If you have not read them before, I highly recommend you do.)

Now, as I also expressed in my presentation, I know that not everyone will be able to relate to this section, but it had to be mentioned due to its central role in her (and my own) philosophy. She explains that many of those days that she spent working on the farm or wondering where she could get the next meal for her kids involved praying to God. She knew in her heart that in the end, He would provide, so she kept hope. She kept moving forward and fighting the hardships because she knew that He was right there next to her. To be fair, that may also just be her sheer tenacity speaking as well.  She always liked to say that she must be God’s strongest warrior because she always got the toughest battles.

Entrance to Salem Church Cemetery, Where Papaw lays

Conclusion

It is true that I have not said all that I could say on this subject, but for sake of brevity, I will stop here. I will also provide the link to my outline for my midterm presentation, so it will be easier to synthesize the two philosophies. You will be quick to notice they have a lot of overlap, and I suppose that was the secret to their successful marriage. Though, there are some nuanced differences. Additionally, I will be monitoring this post for the remainder of next week, so if you have any questions, please feel free to ask, I will give it my best shot to answer. Lord knows that there is plenty of missing context and material I can use to do so.

Also, I hope that these presentations give you all some insight into how a couple of common people have formulated their own philosophies in life. While we study the great minds like Aristotle and Plato within the classroom, remember that everyone you meet has their own story. They have their own little tricks and methods of happiness and contentment. So, if you look to those great minds and find no relief, just know that they are not all that life has to offer. They may not even be the best when it comes to you as an individual. We are all different, and none of us are old white men in ancient Greece. (Well, some here are closer than others).

Before I signed off, my grandmother wished me to add something for you all to hear. She said that if any of you wonder whether she is happy or not, rest assured that she is. She now owns two of her own bathtubs and she is free to take a bath anytime she likes. No need in bothering anyone else. Oh, what a relief it is in life to find your comfort in the simple things, readily within reach. Only then are you a master of your own happiness. With that, I once again leave you with a message you heard once before but I have heard thousands:

Keep It Simple, Stupid