The Good Life
- "Good relationships lead to health and happiness. The trick is that those relationships must be nurtured..." What does a well-nurtured relationship look and feel like, to you?
- Mark Twain was right, wasn't he? So why do we spend so much of our precious time bickering, etc.?
- Are wealth and fame your highest life goals? What is your greatest fear?
- What made the Harvard Study radical, in 1938? 3 What has been its participation rate? 14
- "____ keep us healthier and happier. Period." 10
- What's the difference between hedonic and eudaimonic happiness? 18
- "Human beings need..." 29
- "Unlike John, Leo found his work meaningful specifically because..." 35
- Do you talk to strangers on trains, planes, etc.?
- Our actions and choices account for about how much of our happiness? 49
- The engine of a good life is ____. 52
The Harvard Study of Adult Development has established a strong correlation between deep relationships and well-being. The question is, how does a person nurture those deep relationships?
By Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz
JANUARY 19, 2023
Turn your mind for a moment to a friend or family member you cherish but don’t spend as much time with as you would like. This needn’t be your most significant relationship, just someone who makes you feel energized when you’re with them, and whom you’d like to see more regularly.
How often do you see that person? Every day? Once a month? Once a year? Do the math and project how many hours annually you spend with them. Write this number down and hang on to it.
For us, Bob and Marc, though we work closely together and meet every week by phone or video call, we see each other in person for only a total of about two days (48 hours) every year.
How does this add up for the coming years? Bob is 71 years old. Marc is 60. Let’s be (very) generous and say we will both be around to celebrate Bob’s 100th birthday. At two days a year for 29 years, that’s 58 days that we have left to spend together in our lifetimes.
Fifty-eight out of 10,585 days.
Of course, this is assuming a lot of good fortune, and the real number is almost certainly going to be lower.
Since 1938, the Harvard Study of Adult Development has been investigating what makes people flourish. After starting with 724 participants—boys from disadvantaged and troubled families in Boston, and Harvard undergraduates—the study incorporated the spouses of the original men and, more recently, more than 1,300 descendants of the initial group. Researchers periodically interview participants, ask them to fill out questionnaires, and collect information about their physical health. As the study’s director (Bob) and associate director (Marc), we’ve been able to watch participants fall in and out of relationships, find success and failure at their jobs, become mothers and fathers. It’s the longest in-depth longitudinal study on human life ever done, and it’s brought us to a simple and profound conclusion: Good relationships lead to health and happiness. The trick is that those relationships must be nurtured... (continues)
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The meaning of life, per Monty Python, is also a pretty good summation of one of the keys to happiness: "Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations."
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In the spirit of Gary's suggestion that every class should begin with a joke, here are some philosophy jokes and here's an Existential Comic: we must imagine even Sisyphus happy and at play... And here are more...
But walking meditation's even better.
Are wealth and fame your highest life goals? What is your greatest fear?
ReplyDeleteI only want wealth insofar as it can help stimulate those things that make me happy. I want money to take my friends on a boat or host a dinner party. Fame is nothing to me. I don't think I would want all that attention. I like our discussions in class, but I wouldn't like for people to know me in public.
My greatest fear is that someday, my brother will die, and he will no longer be in my life. Even typing this out is difficult, honestly.
Do you talk to strangers on trains, planes, etc.?
ReplyDeleteYes, all the time. I have the opposite of a resting bitch face. I have a nonthreatening face, and I'm happy about that. I end up talking to people in the line at the grocery store, at the gas station ETC.
I actually make it a point to go to the same gas stations and grocery stores so that I see the same people. I have some people I have been talking to for years, and I couldn't even tell you their name. I love checking in and having a short catch up with them.
"Good relationships lead to health and happiness. The trick is that those relationships must be nurtured..." What does a well-nurtured relationship look and feel like, to you?
ReplyDeleteI think it means that both sides show consideration for the other. Sometimes I might talk a little more, sometimes they might talk a little more. Sometimes I pay for dinner, sometimes they cook. A good relationship is nurtured by reciprocal consideration and effort.
Human beings need nutrition, exercise, purpose, and each other.
ReplyDeleteLeo found his work meaningful because he took pleasure in the benefit that other people derived from his teaching.
I don't talk to strangers on planes unless they talk to me. This is because places like planes or trains are usually where people are really stressed or tired, so I think it's best to let people be in these situations.
Question 9: I personally do not talk to strangers in public places unless I am spoken to. The reason being the world can be a very scary place and you never know what could happen. If I were to speak to someone it would be due to a question that I have about something relating to an area or I would speak to them to compliment them. I like to receive compliments and I also like to give them.
ReplyDeleteQuestion 3: I feel like wealth is almost everyone's goal in life, but I wouldn't mind just being at a comfortable state. Fame isn't a goal of mine in life because I don't ever like to be the center of attention. I would say that my greatest fear is not being happy with my future and not succeeding my future goals because life seems so short.
ReplyDeleteQuestion 1: A well-nurtured relationship consists of providing for each others needs before your own sometimes. I have always been a good communicator in my friendships/relationships and they have always worked out unless I came across disrespect. I have learned over the years to gain respect for myself and not let my guard down and it has rewarded me in the end.
ReplyDelete