- Let's again try crowd-sourcing. We commence Waldinger today, and hear Matt's presentation. Matt, you can post your discussion questions in a comment here.
- "Good relationships lead to health and happiness. The trick is that those relationships must be nurtured..." What does a well-nurtured relationship look and feel like, to you?
- Mark Twain was right, wasn't he? So why do we spend so much of our precious time bickering, etc.?
- Are wealth and fame your highest life goals? What is your greatest fear?
- What made the Harvard Study radical, in 1938? 3 What has been its participation rate? 14
- "____ keep us healthier and happier. Period." 10
- What's the difference between hedonic and eudaimonic happiness? 18
- "Human beings need..." 29
- "Unlike John, Leo found his work meaningful specifically because..." 35
- Do you talk to strangers on trains, planes, etc.?
- Our actions and choices account for about how much of our happiness? 49
- The engine of a good life is ____. 52
I'll post more of mine after y'all post yours...
The Harvard Study of Adult Development has established a strong correlation between deep relationships and well-being. The question is, how does a person nurture those deep relationships?
By Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz
JANUARY 19, 2023
Turn your mind for a moment to a friend or family member you cherish but don’t spend as much time with as you would like. This needn’t be your most significant relationship, just someone who makes you feel energized when you’re with them, and whom you’d like to see more regularly.
How often do you see that person? Every day? Once a month? Once a year? Do the math and project how many hours annually you spend with them. Write this number down and hang on to it.
For us, Bob and Marc, though we work closely together and meet every week by phone or video call, we see each other in person for only a total of about two days (48 hours) every year.
How does this add up for the coming years? Bob is 71 years old. Marc is 60. Let’s be (very) generous and say we will both be around to celebrate Bob’s 100th birthday. At two days a year for 29 years, that’s 58 days that we have left to spend together in our lifetimes.
Fifty-eight out of 10,585 days.
Of course, this is assuming a lot of good fortune, and the real number is almost certainly going to be lower.
Since 1938, the Harvard Study of Adult Development has been investigating what makes people flourish. After starting with 724 participants—boys from disadvantaged and troubled families in Boston, and Harvard undergraduates—the study incorporated the spouses of the original men and, more recently, more than 1,300 descendants of the initial group. Researchers periodically interview participants, ask them to fill out questionnaires, and collect information about their physical health. As the study’s director (Bob) and associate director (Marc), we’ve been able to watch participants fall in and out of relationships, find success and failure at their jobs, become mothers and fathers. It’s the longest in-depth longitudinal study on human life ever done, and it’s brought us to a simple and profound conclusion: Good relationships lead to health and happiness. The trick is that those relationships must be nurtured... (continues)
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The meaning of life, per Monty Python, is also a pretty good summation of one of the keys to happiness: "Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations."
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In the spirit of Gary's suggestion that every class should begin with a joke, here are some philosophy jokes and here's an Existential Comic: we must imagine even Sisyphus happy and at play... And here are more...
I really enjoyed the articulation of "affective forecasting," or the active process of making a decision that you think will make you more happy. I'm writing this as I read, so it may be touched on later, but I have to wonder about social anxiety. Especially in regards to the pandemic, numerous people have developed social anxiety or socially anxious modes of thought, myself included. How can we combat such a universal disconnect and dread of genuine connections? Further, how does the American complex of hyper-independence keep these potential connections from coming to fruition, as well? We are told to move in silence and work hard, at the expense of seeking out human relationships and quality time. How do we begin to rewire what it means to lead a "successful" life? (At both an individual level and if anyone has any ideas, how to deconstruct this ideology at a communal or national level)
ReplyDelete"We are told to move in silence and work hard, at the expense of seeking out human relationships and quality time." Horrible advice! who's telling this?
ReplyDeleteWe never used to talk about "social anxiety," we used to say some of us were more shy or introverted. I sometimes have the sense that we are too quick these days to medicalize what is really a fairly normal social timidity for those not temperamentally and spontaneously gregarious. There's not necessarily something "wrong" with you, if you're shy or reserved. The "cure" is just to push yourself out there, initiate conversations, realize most other people are not sitting and waiting to pounce or judge... Maybe eat some powdermilk biscuits (Gary can explain that one, after he tells us our daily joke)...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSdQ3Q__XRw&t=32s
Delete10. Do you talk to strangers on trains, planes, etc.?
ReplyDeleteNo, I do not. Like Waldinger said, "Who wants to deal with a random stranger?" (36). Anytime I consider making conversation or extending that sort of company, I imagine that stranger is thinking exactly the same. For me, it's the understanding that this stranger is probably thinking all of the things discussed in this section. They don't look like they want company, they look focused on work. Or, they probably just want to take this time for themselves, I shouldn't bother them. Even worse, and in relation to my experiences with social anxiety, what makes me think that anyone would want to talk to me? Engage in a discussion with a stranger over doing anything already relevant in their life? Why would I consider myself a valuable opportunity to this stranger who has an entire life and an entire circle of friends and family already?
I understand that it's not rational, nor even all that logical, but they're true fears for me, and for a lot of people.
Chapter 2 states " The good life may be a central concern for most people, but is not the central concern of most modern societies." Do you agree? If yes, how do we transition out society to making it a central concern? If you don't agree, what evidence and examples can you give to show that the good life is a concern in our modern society?
ReplyDeleteWhat does a well-nurtured relationship look and feel like, to you?
ReplyDeleteI use to think that a good relationship, romantic or platonic, is a 50/50 effort. It certainly cannot be. As people, we may not always be able to give the right amount of effort into something. Things crop up in out lives that Mae keeping out 50% of effort alive very hard. Sometimes, we can only give 20 for example. A well-nurtured relationship should be one where we can be there for the other person in every way, sometimes pick up the slack when the other person is struggling, and be confident the other person will do the same.
I agree with you, especially with the introduction of technology into our lives, we see a convenience to relationships that was not present before. We think that now people expect consistent 50/50 with this new introduction and in reality, we are still just as busy and we now devalue the personal relationships that we can have through meeting face to face.
DeleteDo you talk to strangers on trains, planes, etc.?
ReplyDeleteI am not the one to reach out and talk to people in settings that are fast paced, however, I am increasingly aware of the unique life stories that I can hear from the various people that I encounter in these spaces. However, depending on the individual if they talk to me first I usually am open to hear what they have to say and begin conversation. I think it also is because I just am never sure of what people are capable of. At least with my upbringing in Chicago, conversing with strangers was not something fondly looked upon.
Do you talk to strangers on trains, planes, etc.?
ReplyDeleteFor the most part, I don't. However, I would say that I do it more often than I use to. Before, there use to be an anxiety surrounding the whole experience. Now, what's stopping me from talking to a stranger isn't a feeling of anxiety but more of a lack of care. I don't care much to learn about this particular person in that particular moment. Maybe another day with another person (which has led to me talking to more strangers).
Our actions and choices account for about how much of our happiness? 49
ReplyDelete40% was an unsuprising number to learn about, and a number I thought might be even higher. Its interesting to learn that we still have control over what is happening to us. The choices we make can either contribute to our happiness and when it does not, we are still able to bounce back and recover from poor decisions.
I have thought more recently about my experiences when I am not busy at all and lounging around, unproductive vs. when I am actively engaged and consistently have things to do. While its more attractive immediately to lounge around, I feel more purpose and happiness when I am constantly doing things (though it does make me long for the periods of lounging) and appreciate those moments more.
Are wealth and fame your highest life goals? What is your greatest fear?
ReplyDeleteWealth and fame are definitely not my highest life goals. Honestly, fame doesn't seem desirable at all, and too much wealth seems more trouble than it's worth. Finally, my biggest fear would have to be losing my mind as I age.