I'm going to do my best to pose fewer questions, while counting on all of you to post more.
- [Before responding to any of my or your classmates' questions, please post at least one of your own...]
- Have you had, or do you intend to have, significant work-based friendships? What do you think of Ellen's lament? 249
- How many "best friends" do you have? How many are intimate? Companionable? Casual? Other category(-ies)? 250
- Do you value your independence and self-sufficiency more than your friendships? If so, do you think you'll feel the same way later in life? 256
- Revisiting an earlier question: are you now more inclined to seek "friendly moments with strangers" such as baristas and fellow travelers? 263
- How do you envision yourself, socially, in your 80s? Like Andrew? 271
- Can you "make positive turns in [your] life"? 274
- Do you find anything of particular interest at www.Lifespanresearch.org?
- Do you agree that the good life is a path, not a destination? 281
- Are you going to call someone?
Ch 9 - Page 228
ReplyDeleteWhen you consider how much of your life will be spent working after college, how does that make you feel? Does it make you want to be more careful about the job you choose? Do you get angry at being born into a system which steals so much of your time for you? Or do you see it as a necessary part of a functioning, modern society?
Great questions. Put lots of thought into finding the right vocation... but then give yourself full permission to make a new plan if things go south.
DeleteWelcome back, Rusty. No regrets for THAT choice, right?
No regrets!
DeleteCh 10 - Page 257
ReplyDeleteAfter reading about the negative impact of not creating and maintaining close friendships, how do you think you can avoid this same mistake? Also, in the book they reference men specifically as having trouble maintaining close friendships, do you think there is something inherent to being a man that makes this reality? Or would you argue that it is conditioned ideas about masculinity that create this effect?
I think almost anything that is inherent to manhood is necessarily something conditioned. There may be something to say about hormone production or something that may make a case that men biologically find this more difficult, but I think the vast majority of the difficulty comes from socialization. I mean, it's a question of why men socialize the way the do, so it's reasonable to think that the way they do is socialized itself. We have to learn to socialize with socialization, therefore the way we socialize is learned. I think the queer experience is a bit neglected in this book (despite the authors clear attempts otherwise, but it just doesn't seem to be something they're that experienced with), so it would be interesting to see something like a study on if transitioning makes friendships easier or harder. Does someone raised to be feminine going on testosterone and transitioning then make their friendships more difficult or fewer? Do more 'feminine' men have less of a problem with maintaining close friendships? I feel queerness in general creates many insights on that question.
DeleteInteresting. We were discussing de Beauvoir this morning in class, and her statement that women are not born but are made. (Same goes for men too, by that token.) To be socialized is to be assimilated according to norms and expectations... and to be free, says the feminist/existentialist, is to liberate oneself from social expectations and norms and choose for oneself. It's an open question, though, isn't it, whether we're entirely free to do that? But these times seem much more fluid in that regard than de B's.
DeleteKade you bring up some really great points, and I agree that bringing in a queer perspective would provide some great insight to this question, and the problem as presented in the book. I would also be interested to know whether those who transition experience something similar to what the book describes as being a traditionally biological male experience.
DeleteCh 9 pg239
ReplyDeleteThe authors exemplify their point about work relations with Henry's desire to work after retiring: is this because labor has simply replaced many social centers like worship centers, community centers, marketplaces, etc.? That is, is there something essential to work that encourages friendships (like the comradery of sharing labor) or is it an unfortunate consequence of the withering away of social centers?
Personally anytime I see someone of retirement age working at somewhere like Walmart, I'm filled with indignation. I feel it's possible and desirable to have community organization that allows for sociality that isn't waged labor. Volunteering is brought up by the authors, but I don't feel that addresses the fundamental lack of social spaces in this society
Ch 10
College is one of the spaces associated with lifelong friendships and that's mentioned in the book. Among your closest friendships: were they made on campus or somewhere else? My closest friends now are some from high school and the rest were almost exclusively made at DIY shows. I always felt there was a sort of alienation that existed on campus especially when living off campus.
My closest friends are from grad school. I wish I'd made a greater effort to form and sustain undergrad friendships.
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